Motives

Motives. I often feel like I have to explain my motives for the decisions I make, and the actions I follow through with (or do not follow through with).
I often feel like I am being watched and judged by my every move. I know- silly and a little vain right. I feel that I need to explain myself and make people understand and see that I am living a life where I try my very best to make the best, most fair, and most beneficial choices in my life.
The point is, I really do care what people think and feel about me. I worry about this. I try by my own power to get others to see the good in me, and not the bad.

I feel as though God is teaching me that the decisions I make are between God, my husband and I, and my motives are judged justly by the One and Only Christ Jesus. He is guiding me to make a change in my whole decision making process and certainly in my day to day, minute to minute actions and in-actions. He is teaching me that my reliance, faith and obedience to God should be causing me to act the way I do and make the decisions that I make in my daily life.

It continues to be my hope that my friends and family will see me through the grace filled eyes of our Lord Jesus Christ, and that I myself can find comfort in His truth.
I fail daily, I disappoint daily, and I can never live up to the expectations I have set up for myself. Despite my many faults, God's truth to me is that I must be obedient to His will and words for my life and He will take care of the rest.
If I live for Christ, and even when I make mistakes, I don't have to "explain" my life, my choices or my decisions to anyone else for the sake of convincing them that I am a good person or so they can see my "thought process" of this decision. I will listen for God's direction when I make mistakes and be obedient to His direction for me.
I believe the truth of this statement in the Psalms; 115:3 (one of my favorite verses) "Our God is in heaven and does whatever pleases Him". If I am obedient to God, He will do whatever he pleases, and He is in control.
My prayer for today is that this truth would sink in to my soul deeper than the lie that I have to explain myself to others in order for them to see my true and pure motives. God, draw me closer to You, for Your glory!

Frugal living?

I have always known that my husband is frugal. He will go out of his way (literally) to get the best price on anything from peanut butter to a new TV. He is constantly checking on our bank accounts, tracking our spending, and thinking of ways we can save more, pay off our debts faster and retire early.
Well, I am the total opposite! I do not want to go out of my way to save a few dollars, I like the convenience of stores that are close and getting things done quickly. I have glanced at our on-line bank statements a few times during our almost 8 years of marriage, and I always assume that there is money in there that I can spend.
I have learned that if I want to buy something and I don't think it is a large enough purchase to ask my husband about it first, I use the only real method that keeps me out of "trouble". I smile and nice smile and I say "oops". :-) Sometimes I get a sigh, and sometimes I get a hug and sometimes I do get a small lecture about spending habits... but life goes on, and we are not too worried about our financial situation.

Most of the time when I am buying things, I tend to justify it by the fact that I do not often buy clothes, jewery, or other things for myself or the household, and when I do, I get them at a consignment store, or only buy one towel at a time, when I know we really could use 3 or 4 new ones to replace our old tattered and torn ones.

I feel that our spending downfalls tend to be related to eating out, impulse buys that we don't really need (like the little toys we get for the kids every once in a while at the store), and outings we go on.

My hang up right now with the issue of living frugally is that it is my desire to live a frugal life and to be debt free with savings and the ability to pay cash for what we buy. However, I look forward to the day when I can go and buy some new clothes from a non-consignment store, and even some new shoes (maybe on the same day or in the same month) :-) , and not have to worry about telling my husband how much the clothes cost. I also want to be able to sign my children up for a sport or activity without thinking it costs too much.
It is hard for me to see how I can do these things if I start trying to live more frugally.
It feels like I am starting to see how both of my "dreams" in regards to finances can become a reality for us, but it might be a bumpy road to get me all the way on board. :-)
I will work on it though.

Personal time vs housework

I love "all things neat". I must admit I am obsessed with keeping things neat, clean, put away, in their own place/bin/box or space in a room. I am bothered by everything from fingerprints on windows, dirty screens, film on the shower doors to toys being put away in the wrong bin and toys, puzzles or games missing pieces.
Ugh! There you go.
I bet you think my house is super clean and neat now don't you? The ugly truth is, it is not clean, there are leaf bits on my kitchen floor and currently there is unfolded laundry all over my living room floor.
My screens are not all clean, the toys are mostly put away (but it was a really nice day outside and the kids played outside for much of it), there are lots of fingerprints on my windows, and sadly even finger or maybe tongue smears :-( Ick!
So, most days I stress about having the time to clean the smears, fold the laundry, clean the floors, and let's not forget about the toilets!

Well, the Lord gave me a nudge today. I believe that my focus needs to be on caring for my children and the children I do daycare for first, and making sure they get the attention and affection that they need. I also believe that the Lord wants me to work hard to keep our home clean and tidy, because it is His blessing to us to live where we live.
I realize through the nudge I was given that my focus is more on the tasks then on the family. I often become hurried in my time with the children so I can get to the "work" that I have to do. I do not want to be too busy for my kids or my husband.
My prayer and goal for the rest of this week and the next is to find at least 10 minutes of personal one on one time with each of my children (above and beyond play all together times) to give them all time to see that I love and cherish them and they are more important to me than housework.

I have found in some instances I can do things together with the kids. For example, my son really enjoys "helping" do the dishes. Yes, it takes longer and it gets a little messier :-) But this is time that we can both feel love, time spent together and a sense of accomplishment.
I hope to take the time to do more "tasks" alongside my children, not only to teach them about responsibility and doing their part in a family setting, but also to simply be with them.

Hmmm? contentment.

The last couple weeks have been emotionally difficult for me as well as for many of my family and friends. Through these difficult times I have found comfort in my Lord and in offering up my pain and the difficulties of this life to Him.
Although I have felt close to the Lord and have been putting more effort into allowing Him to work in my life, I must say that I have also been feeling somewhat content in my walk with the Lord.
I am NOT comfortable with this feeling of spiritual contentment and I do feel that Satan is trying to tell me that I am fine and I do not need to put more work into my relationship with God right now. That is a lie and I pray that God would make me feel uncomfortable with the lies of Satan and prompt me to dig deeper into God's word and rely on Him even when things seem ok.
I pray that even in the happy times as well as the times that I am feeling "just content" that God would work in my life so fully that my life would never just be "content", but that I would always feel the Holy Spirit pushing me to be better, lean on Him more, and live for Him fully.

Teaching children about prayer and outreach as a family.

I have often thought that I want my children to learn how to care for others through prayer and also through acts of love and kindness. I found a wonderful very fun example of how to teach them to lift others up in prayer. We used a craft idea from pinterest and created out own "Prayer Pail" that we have decorated and put in the center of our table. We use this to choose a name of someone to pray for each day. The kids and I pray for the individual or couple at our meal time.
I believe that this will teach them to remember others at meal times to pray for them and to lift others up in prayer and not just their own needs or wants.

I have to admit I have struggled with how to teach them to care for others with their actions in a way that is planned and something that they can carry out. The simple things come to mind like making cards or crafts for others. However, I am looking for more...
Our church has teamed up with an elementary school in our area, in which there are several homeless families represented, and have begun sending backpacks filled with food for the weekend for the children and their families. This has been a wonderful event that my children can participate in by helping to pack the backpacks with the donated food during the "packing nights". I have also enjoyed taking them to shop for food for us to donate to the children who do not have as much as we do. That has been a wonderful learning experience for them.
I have also been wondering if there is a way where my almost 6 year old could help me read books to elderly people or people with disabilities so that she can learn about a broader scope of people with needs and ways we can show God's love to them in many ways.
It is my hope that this summer and into the next school year (in which I will be homeschooling my 6 year old) that we are able to become more involved in an organized outreach or our own area of outreach for the purpose of caring for others and showing God's love.
I welcome any suggestions people have for outreach ideas to do with young children.

Focus in the midst of pain

This week began for me with a funeral for my great aunt, who passed after a struggle with cancer. She will be greatly missed and I share in the sorrow with my family for our loss. My family is in great pain now, but we see the light and peace that she is feeling now in the arms of Jesus. I pray that through the loss of my great aunt I might catch a glimpse of God's glory looking back on the difficult circumstances leading to her death. 

On Monday I also learned that a dear friend of mine and her husband lost their baby just a few weeks prior to his due date. My heart is broken for my friend and I cannot imagine what she is feeling right now. My immediate reaction is to pray and then to try to do everything in my power to help her feel better and heal. 

I feel that I do need to be there for my friend and help her with meals, or babysitting and encouragement. I will help her in any way that I can. 

I also need to be continually lifting that family up to the Lord in prayer. I need to focus on God and His work through this terribly difficult time. I need to take a step back in my thoughts of trying to make all things better and be "in the moment there" for my friend. With God as my focus and His will being at the center of my thoughts and prayers for my friend, I feel like I can help her the most by listening to God and being obedient to His direction for me. 

My mind is overwhelmed by the frailty of life and the power of God. 

My prayer for today is for me and for my friend, and includes a verse from Phil. 4:7

May the peace of God which transcends all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. May Jesus in His Great Glory be our focus and our strength.