My day has begun with a nagging sense of insecurity. I am seeing a friend and her daughter today , and I am continually struck by the thoughts that enter my mind in relation to other people. When someone is going to visit or I am going to be caring for their child, my mind starts racing with all of the things I have to do. Anything from organizing, cleaning, finding a craft or project for the kids, or planning a fun game.
I believe that all of these things can be good and fun things, but often my "motives" for doing these things are to prove that I am really good at being a homemaker, wife, mother and caregiver. Satan gets into my head and tells me that if I don't do these things, others will think I am not. The scary part is that I often believe this lie and work hard to prove myself worthy of others noticing me and how well put together I and my household seem to be.
It is true that I look at other women who seem to have it all together. You know these women who do amazing crafts with their kids and never become impatient, those who make time for themselves to read 1-2 great books each day, those who have no laundry pile in their laundry room, and those who are slim and fit and always look like they were just given a spa treatment and makeover. Then there are the women who speak God's wisdom, are confident and you can tell that they are spiritually healthy and trust the Lord to provide their confidence and their everything.
I have to say, I desire all of the above qualities, and feel inadequate at times about each one. To be fully honest, I don't know how to lessen my feelings of insecurity and comparing myself with other women. This is just one of the many feelings that I believe God is allowing me to feel so He can draw me close to Him.
One scripture that I need to keep close to me today is Romans 8: 5-6
Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires
but those who live in accordance with the spirit have their minds set on what the spirit
desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is
life and peace.
Again, I come back to focus. My prayer for today is that my mind would be filled with the Holy Spirit and he would fill my mind with what the spirit desires, and that the spirit would lead my thoughts, motives, plans and actions. I pray that my focus would be not on proving to others that I am worthy, but living for God and allowing Him to make me worthy to live as His child.
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