It has been a long day. My 3 year old has been sad and a tad grumpy all day long, my 2 year old is still in the learning process of potty training (which is not easy on mommy). I was surprised (in a mostly happy way) to help out with kids club at church tonight because they needed an extra adult with the cubbies, and had to get the super tired children ready for bed without Eric (because he was helping some friends finish some painting in their home). Whew... I am tired just doing this minor recap!
When we arrived home after church tonight I wanted to get the kids ready for bed after a quick snack. I told them to take a potty break while I got the snack out, and come to the table. Well, Katelyn must have gotten to the toilet first, and Daniel (in competitive Daniel style) yelled at her and proceeded to slap her on her face! So, I went in their and calmly knelt down beside him (after checking on and kissing Katelyn's reddened cheek) and told him that hitting is not ok, and he is going to brush his teeth and go straight to bed. Well, as you can imagine, that did not go over well with him and he began crying a loud mad/sad kind of cry. I asked the girls to finish up in the bathroom and go into the kitchen to wait for me. I got Daniel ready and put him into bed and attempted to calm him down. Meanwhile, the girls continually stick their heads in the doorway to "quietly" let me know that they are waiting for me (as if I needed reminding at this point in my growing impatience and frustration). All I wanted was for things to be quiet and calm.
Well, I failed at calming Daniel down, but I needed to get to the girls, so I left his room and he continued to cry loudly for the entire time I was with the girls. When the girls were finally in bed, tucked in, hugs, kisses, and prayers. I was walking out of the room and Ellie says, "Oh, I need my bear". And Daniel was still screaming! AHHHHHH... And now the mommy mess up...
I did it, I yelled at her, raised my voice and yelled, "Get down out of your bed NOW, find your bear and GO BACK TO BED! The poor girl started crying huge sad tears, and we found her bear.
I took a minute to collect myself and then I asked her calmly to come to me. She did and I held her in my arms and looked at her and told her that she was a good girl and I was so proud of how well she behaved today and of what a sweetheart she is. I also told her that I love her and I made a mistake when I yelled at her. I told her that sometimes even mommies make mistakes and do things we should not do. I tole her I am sorry and asked her to forgive me. Ellie has such a loving, kind nature and she forgave me and gave me a huge hug and let me squeeze her tight.
I am very sad that I let my selfishness and frustration lead me to yell at her when she had not done anything wrong. A familiar verse comes to mind "In your anger do not sin". I let my anger and frustration get the best of me tonight. I blew it!
Now, I have made peace with Ellie and I have lifted this situation up to God and pray that he will soften my heart in the heat of moments like these and fill my heart with love and kindness, and not haste and my selfish desire to just be alone at that moment.
I do believe that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. I desire to find myself reaching out to Him for His strength to flow through me in my moments of weakness so that I can be obedient to Him and act/react in ways that are pleasing to Him.
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